My life these days is not all that exciting by many people’s standards. Most days with the kids follow the usual routine of eat, play, sleep. But don’t get me wrong, boring my life is not. Here are 5 Cheap Thrills that get this Toddler Mom’s heart racing a bit faster than usual…
1. Digging out that darn elusive booger.
Call me crazy but I love a good snot retrieval. When I see that elusive piece of green goo playing peek a boo in my little one’s nose, my temperature rises with excitement. Whether I use a snot sucker, nasal aspirator, or just my good old pinky, nothing feels as scintillating as a good snot search and seizure!
2. Fishing a foreign object from the toilet and/or drain.
I should be a plumber in my next life for the amount of unclogging I do on a daily basis. There’s nothing like the feeling of satisfaction I get when skillfully crafting a wire hook out of a hanger to fish Minnie Mouse’s Bowtique hair bow from the drain. I can’t explain the adrenaline rush as I dangle the hook over the watery abyss, a little voice behind me cheers, “Get it Mommy!,” and I picture the hundreds of plumbing problem dollars I’ve just saved.
3. Kids napping simultaneously.
I plot. I plan. I pray. I watch every little eye rub and yawn. I watch the clock. It’s time for nap. Finally. Can I do it? Can I get both kids in bed at the same time for an hour of peace and quiet?? Will today be the day? Yes, I can do it, and when I do it will feel oh so good. This is the thrilling game I play with myself. Every. Day. Most times I fail, but that just makes the victory even sweeter. I mean doesn’t every mom deserve time to mindlessly watch that Sex and the City rerun for the billionth time, ya know, the one where Big rescues Carrie in Paris?
4. Urinating without Prying Eyes
I don’t know how I don’t have a UTI every single month. Getting to the bathroom is always last on my list of To Dos. But when I do get there, if I can get in there solo, oh the joy. It’s all in the timing. I wait just for the right moment, when my darling little one is distracted, perhaps by a large piece of floor dust that looks like a new kitten, then I make a break for it. Many times the little one is hot on my trail, inserting her foot or fingers into the closing door, but there’s nothing like seeing that face disappear as the door closes and the lock clicks. Yes! Just two minutes alone to pee. I just need two minutes!!
5. Eating without Sharing
Eating solids. Yay my baby is eating solids. Um No. From that point on, little did I know, it meant that the little bottomless pit now feels she has the god given right to share every single thing I put on my plate. Damn it. Sometimes I just don’t want to share. Oh the pleasure I feel when I hide in the small crevice between the refrigerator and the snack cabinet and toss M&M’s into my mouth and silently, slowly, chew them to pieces. What are you doing Mommy? What’s in your mouth? Show me. Can I have some? Share? Want to share? NO. No I don’t. There I said it, and it feels so good.